Some simple facts about Anger
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
(excerpted from The Wounded Male by Steven Farmer)ANGER IS A FEELING— There is a difference between feelings and actions. As a man, you have learned to emphasize action over feelings. In order to deal more effectively with your anger, you must separate the emotion of anger from feeling like you have to act it out in any way, on others or on yourself. Although I will give you some ideas on how to focus and discharge your anger, there really is no need to do anything when you are angry other than feel it. It may take something as simple as stating, "I am angry," to take some of the excess charge off.
FEELING ANGRY DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE RIGHT— Just because you feel angry at any given moment doesn't mean that you are right. This one is difficult, because we so love to be right. Yet getting on a position, adamantly believing that no matter what, you are right, can lead to even greater hostilities, destructiveness, and violence. Wars are started because of at least two people thinking they are right and the other fellow is wrong. When you feel angry with someone, remind yourself that not only is your anger simply a feeling, but that you don't have to remain righteously positioned with your anger.
FEELING ANGRY DOESN'T MEAN THE OTHER PERSON HAS TO CHANGE— We have learned so many ways to use anger to manipulate and control. If I growl at you then perhaps you will feel bad and stop asking me questions. If I get angry and withdraw from you then you will likely feel bad for refusing to have sex with me. Perhaps I will get angry and pout for several days, to manipulate you into feeling badly about your having been upset with me. By using your anger to manipulate and control, not only do you alienate others but you are playing out an adult version of a spoiled brat. If this is an issue for you, keep in mind that while you can certainly express your anger cleanly to another person, to try to use this very energized emotion to control them is a bastardization of genuine feeling.
ANGER AND RAGE ARE NOT THE SAME— They are certainly related, however. Anger, when it is cleared of all manipulation and righteousness, is actually quite energizing and can often provoke and inspire action. When you are angry, the message that you're communicating can be delivered quite forcefully. Anger can help you set clear boundaries. There are other times when it feel good to let go in a burst of anger, not directed toward someone, but as a release of your frustration. Anger can motivate to action.
Rage, on the other hand, is primal. When you spontaneously and unconsciously age regress to an earlier time of raw emotional energy, this is rage. It is the unmet anguished cry of a child in need, explosively delivered energy, unfocused and volatile, ready to leap in violent upheaval at the first available target. Rage can do damage. If acted out uncontrolled and unfocused, it can lead to violence and destruction. While not at all necessary to deny your rage, what is useful is to learn to tap into it and express it in a focused, cathartic way. In close association with rage is a deep sense of helplessness. A cathartic expression of this rage often reduces the sense of helplessness.
BEHIND MOST ANGER IS A WANT— If you are angry with someone, ask yourself what it is you want from them. Quite often, you will find that there is some way that you want them to act differently, or to give you something, or something else that you want from them. For instance, if you're mad at your friend because he isn't listening, you want him to listen. The next step is then to ask for what you want--to listen to you. Keep in mind that you may not get what you want. If you don't then you must decide whether to try to control him by staying angry, or tell him how you feel about his behavior, or set boundaries if he continues with that kind of behavior.
Articles on Shamanism and Healing
SDD: Spiritual Deficit Disorder
Although I don’t care to make New Year’s resolutions, I do set intentions and write them out at the beginning of each year. One of these is to do a shamanic journey at least four times a week or more. Though I occasionally have lapsed with this commitment, this year so far I’m on target. In a journey I did on the morning of December 28, I had quite a conversation with Ana’o’oto, whom I also refer to as Grandfather, one of my main “spiritual consultants.”
I was talking with…
Becoming Gratitude
In the northern hemisphere we now enter the season of the harvest, marked most obviously by the celebration of Thanksgiving here in the U.S. It’s a time to gather with family and friends and pause to appreciate the abundant bounty that is available to us. It’s a time to share and open our hearts to others. It’s an opportunity to extend our gratitude to all the gifts we have in this lifetime, including the gift of life itself and the opportunity to be alive on this amazing planet.
In a…
The Feather
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Thirty year old Mattie rested between Joe and Melissa, nearing his final journey following the diagnosis of cancer one year ago. Melissa had called me a few weeks earlier, requesting that I come and be with Mattie. She had a feeling that it would provide some…
The Hawk and the Snake: How Spirit Communicates Through Animals
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A Nature Treasure Hunt
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2012: Just Another Year?
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The Center of the Universe
Conversation With Turtle
“Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”— Viktor E. Frankl
The past few months we’ve seen a number of calamities throughout the world. Too many to detail all of them, but the latest that’s in our consciousness is Hurricane Irene. In a relatively unusual pattern, the storm drifted up the east coast and did tremendous damage to many areas in ways…
Simple is as Simple Does
—John Burroughs
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Skin to Skin
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Psychic Kids
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Into the Jungle (Part 5) - Healing the Mother Wound
Into the Jungle (Part 4) - Just Listen
Into the Jungle (Part 3) - The Journey Continues
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Into the Jungle (Part Two)
As I’d mentioned in part one, we’d stopped at a lodge in the Cloud Forest over halfway on our journey to the land of the Machiguenga in the Amazon. It was an eight-hour ride over very bumpy roads and at times when I’d look down we’d be so close the edge that I couldn’t see the road beneath! Since it had been raining so much, this was an alternate…
Into the Jungle
Complaining
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ILLUSION AND DIS-ILLUSIONMENT
Jaden and Santa Claus
About a month before Christmas I was speaking with my youngest daughter Catherine about her five-year-old son Jaden (my grandson), asking her about her plans for Christmas. She smiled and recalled how last year, he had told her, “You don’t like Christmas, do you Mom?” said innocently and without accusation. He was merely making an observation based on what he observed in her behavior and attitude the previous holiday season. Wasn’t upset about it. Just making a comment
You see, my daughter is one…
What is a Power Animal?
Power animals are spirit guides in animal form, valuable allies who can help you navigate through life’s challenges and transitions. You can turn to these perceptive and trustworthy oracles for advice and counsel on any questions or concerns, for they’re exceptional teachers who will help you learn about both the spirit and the natural world. Working with them on a regular basis will enhance your personal life and expand your spiritual capacities immensely.
Power animals can appear in meditations, visions, dreams, shamanic journeys, or on the earth in their physical…
Tis The Season
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Adventures in OZ - Part 2
CEREMONY AT UTOPIA
So came down from the mountains, stopped by in Penrith at Mysterys Bookshop where I presented a workshop. Room was packed with a great group of people and we all had fun. Then on to Sydney where I stayed for a couple days. Did a series of individual sessions at Adyar Bookstore’s new facility, then walked around the city in the evening. I love this city! It feels so clean and so safe. People there are quite friendly as well. Only thing is that everybody…
Adventures In Oz: Part 1
(I love referring to Australia as “Oz.” Gives it sort of a magical quality. Distant land and all. Over 7000 miles away from Los Angeles and a few more from my home in Laguna Beach, just south of L.A. )
For the first two days I was in Australia I’d made arrangements to spend some time with my friend Lionel at one of his cabins in the Blue Mountains, two hours west of Sydney. I’d met Lionel two years prior when I had rented one of his cabins for…
Another look at Halloween
Samhain/Halloween (October 31-November 1)
This is the time of year when the veil between the world of the living and the world of the dead is at its thinnest, the night when the dead return to visit us, to feast, and communicate with us. The seeds from the dying plants fall to the Earth, and there they wait until the proper mixture of heat and light once again stirs the life within. Samhain (pronounced SOW-en) is the most important, but also the least understood of the ancient Celtic festivals.…
Oatmeal and Soul Retrieval
Soul Calling
What’s oatmeal got to do with soul retrieval? Well, I found out in a very personal way recently.
In my shamanic work, one of the more common treatments is called soul retrieval or soul recovery. It’s based on the idea that as we go along in life we may lose pieces of our soul. There can be a few causes but one of the most common is due to an unresolved traumatic experience. The dissociated soul fragment stays away until it is safe, but if the…
Whose Business Is This Anyway?: Or Why Do I Want to Have a “Spiritual Business?”
Once in awhile someone tells me how they’re unhappy with their present job and they want to pursue work that is more spiritual so I usually offer some suggestions gleaned from my own experience in an attempt to be helpful. One of the main pieces of advice I offer is that if it is a calling from Spirit, then the path will open up toward a defined mission. Once you’ve asked your spirit guides for help, then all you need to do is get your ego out of the way…
Passion, Purpose, and Mission
PASSION, PURPOSE, AND MISSION
In a recent phone consultation with someone a woman I’ll call Paula (not her real name), she was telling me how she’d been a horse woman her entire life, but now, with 68 years on the planet, she felt she was getting too old to ride. Her body just wouldn’t take it any more. I could hear in her voice the sadness and the longing to continue working with horses in some way, but she just wasn’t sure how she could do so.
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New Age Gurus, Cults, and Fundamentalism
New Age Gurus, Cults, and Fundamentalism
By Dr. Steven Farmer
Recently I was pondering the various new age and metaphysical groups, practices, and in particular the various leaders and the styles of leadership they provide. While there are many fine teachers and healers in this broad category we call new age, there are some I’ve seen or been around that trigger an uneasy feeling in my gut.
Instinct and observation tells me to be wary of these particular people. Not only do I question their tactics, but also the…
Love Found, Love Lost
By Dr. Steven Farmer
Ah! The joys inherent in loving another human being! Our hearts leap as we step into the welcoming space of another, one who returns that affection in kind. The bliss, the obsessive thoughts, the racing heart, the warm feelings—all packaged under the term “falling in love.” In some ways it’s unfortunate that the term falling is used to describe that tumultuous, giddy feeling that describes a growing attraction to someone else. Usually falling implies something that we instinctually fear.
Personal Spiritual Authority
(Excerpted from Earth Magic: Ancient Shamanic Wisdom for Healing Yourself, Others, and the Planet)
At this time in human history, we’re seeing an evolution in consciousness, particularly as to how it affects our spiritual and religious philosophies and practices. It seems that an increasing number of people have developed a more individualized and experiential approach to the questions that traditional religions have attempted to answer. For the last few decades, we’ve been able to more easily access other religious and spiritual traditions, giving us the advantage of being exposed…
A Shamanic Healing Ceremony and Post-Traumatic Stress Response
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
Bill and Amy (not their real names), some friends who live in Laguna Beach, had just returned from a grueling journey to Brazil, exhausted from having traveled nearly 24 hours. They arrived at home late one evening, put their luggage down, cleaned up, and went straight to bed for what they hoped would be a long night’s rest and recuperation. Instead, at 5AM they heard a loud voice through a bullhorn outside on the street shouting, “RESIDENTS! EVACUATE NOW!” repeatedly and with a great…
The Technological Vortex
(Excerpted from Earth Magic: Ancient Shamanic Wisdom for Healing Yourself, Others, and the Planet)
MYTH: All of the industrial and technological innovations are absolutely necessary for our survival in today’s world.
Every major human innovation that has been adopted almost universally not only requires us to change, but also eventually becomes a massive operating system for most of the civilized world. The products of such innovations—such as the printing press and electric lights—gradually infiltrated our consciousness and our lifestyles,…
Singing Out in Mother's Market
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
Being a former shy person I can empathize with anyone who has inhibitions about expressing themselves in public—especially singing. When asked, many people would admit to singing in the shower, but few would claim the courage to sing in front of anyone else. Most people would say they’re afraid of other people’s judgments if they were to do such a thing, even if they did it well. Yet it’s more the case of our own judgment of ourselves that interferes with the kind of…
Aumakua, Familiars and Spirit Animals . . . Oh My!!
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
Animals and Spirit AnimalsFrom the Rainbow Serpent of the Aborigines of Australia that birthed the land and its inhabitants, to the “Cowardly” Lion that accompanied Dorothy to Oz, to the tale you tell of the hummingbird that hovered for several seconds two feet from your nose, cultural and personal stories and mythologies (or mythos) are rampant with animals and spirit animals. These stories and experiences resonate with our instinctual connection to the animal kingdom, as well as conveying…
Our Kinship With Animals
By Steven D. Farmer, PhD
Malidoma Patrice Somé is a healer, teacher, and elder of the Dagara peoples in the small West African nation of Burkina Faso in West Africa. He travels extensively giving classes and workshops, and in one of his teachings, he describes how the Dagara believe there are three levels of intelligence on Earth. Plants are considered to be the most intelligent beings, animals second, while humans capture the ribbon for third place. It’s a different way of looking at life and our relationship with plants…
The Artist and the Snake
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
You either love them or hate/fear them, but what can’t be denied is that snakes are embedded deeply in our consciousness, a powerful spiritual reality and symbol of major transformation. People that have never seen a snake will dream of them. In some traditions if you’re bitten by a highly poisonous snake and survive, you’re considered to be a powerful healer. The American Medical Association has two intertwined snakes as part of their caduceus, and Hermes carried a snake as a symbol. Kundalini yoga works…
The Art of Shapeshifting
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
“I feel the wind flowing around my wing feathers as I float in the air suspended by the invisible breeze. I look down and see the forest below me, then briefly toward the horizon. I flap my wings a few times, moving into the flow of air and soar even higher! My human body is somewhere, but I pay it no mind right now. My consciousness is here, now, in this other physical being. I am Hawk!”
We hear folk tales and fairy…
Animal Spirit Guides and Scuba Diving
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
(additional contributions by Elephant, Beaver and Whale)Scuba diving was always something that other people did, so I never gave it much thought until my wife, Doreen, gradually and unexpectedly became an avid diver. At one point about a year ago while on a cruise through the islands of Tahiti, I decided to give it a go in the warm waters of Bora Bora. I must confess that one of the reasons was to be able to say my first dive…
If You Talk with the Animals...
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
Joanne is talking with a friend in her back yard and a hummingbird flies up to her and hovers about half a meter in front of her face for several seconds and looks right into her eyes. Talking with her friend about the experience she realizes that Hummingbird was telling her to lighten up and not take life so seriously . . .
After a lengthy illness, Alicia’s father died. She and her fiancé take a walk on the beach later that same morning and…
Jasper the Hawk Pays a Visit
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
The day before Christmas Doreen and I were saying our morning prayers, a sacred ritual we do every morning before we get up and get going into the day, when I caught the flutter of wings out of the corner of my eye and watched as all of the birds that had been feeding outside our bedroom window scattered. It’s not unusual to see doves and a smattering of other birds on our deck and in the tree just outside, as…
A Sunset, A Whisper, AND A SHOUT
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
I had just come home running some errands that included a trip to the gym for a short but very enlivening workout, had put away the groceries, threw the day’s mail on the usual spot amidst the organized clutter that covered my desk, and sat down, prepared to do some work on the computer when my friend Chris appeared. Chris is a brother by a different set of parents, and I welcomed him. He also is our general contractor, supervising and doing much of…
Animal Spirit Guides and Imagination
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
How many times have you heard, “Oh, it's just your imagination!” implying that it's merely some delusional artifice that holds no bearing on reality, reserved for the likes of children, artists, or writers of fiction? Useful in some instances, but limited. There's even a song by The Temptations called, “Just My Imagination,” where a guy sings about his dream girl, the punch line being that he realizes he can never really have her because “it's just (his) imagination running away with (him).”
Yet…
Power Animals: Connecting with Your Animal Spirit Guide
What Are Power Animals?
Power animals are spirit guides in animal form, valuable allies who can help you navigate through life's challenges and transitions. Perceptive and trustworthy oracles, you can turn to them for advice and counsel on any questions or concerns. They're exceptional teachers who'll help you learn about both the spirit world and the natural world. Working with them on a regular basis will enhance your personal life and expand your spiritual capacities immensely.
Power animals…
Men, Spirituality, and Power Animals
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D
Men can’t help but be spiritual. The fact of being alive is a spiritual experience, yet many have lost their conscious awareness of this fundamental truth. Gradually over the past several centuries, the rational, logical mind has usurped the creative wisdom of Spirit and the deeper awareness of the inter connectivity of all life. Civilization has further eroded men’s intimate association with the natural world, and instead, earth and all its non-human inhabitants—plant, animal, and mineral—have been viewed solely as resources for the sustenance of…
Why Did the Tortoise Cross the Road?
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D
The RoadMy wife Doreen and I had journeyed across the country from Los Angeles to upstate New York to present a workshop at the Omega Institute about connecting with the spirit world. After our five hour flight and two and a half hour drive, we parked ourselves in the B&B to unload our luggage and rest for a few moments, then hopped in the car and drove the few miles to the nearby town of Rhinebeck. We wanted to gather some supplies for…
Coping With Crazy Schedules
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
Doreen and I took our two daughters (Nicole and Catherine), eight-year-old grandson (Jaden), and one of our sons (Grant) for a shopping trip recently. Not that I'm that keen on shopping—I'm good for 20 minutes before I start getting restless, unless I'd brought along a good book to read or find a bookstore nearby.This time, I figured Grant and I could hang out and catch up on what's going on in each others' lives. Plus there was an Apple store in this particular mall,…
What Did the Animals Know?: Instinct, Survival, and the Tsunami
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
Even though in the recent tsunami there was a tremendous loss of human life, many beings survived, both human and animal whether by fortune, circumstances, or innate intelligence. We savor such stories, such as the man that was adrift for days in the ocean, clinging to a floating tree. What also caught my eye were the stories about the animals. Amongst the countless bodies of humans, not one dead animal was found. Most if not all of the animals that were near the coast had…
Beltane Blessings
By Steven D. Farmer Ph.D.
May, 2004
Here I am with my wife, Doreen, in Glastonbury, England, a magical, mystical land, where legends and lore abound. We're here for a few days on a break from our tour of the U.K., and also to celebrate her birthday. There's a crystal shop on nearly every corner, vegetarian cafes sprinkled here and there, and other shops filled with artifacts to fulfill various new age tastes. Or should I say old age, as many of the metaphysical arts that are supported and honored…
Rhythm for Life and Health
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
In the Beginning, There Was the Beat
When you came into this life, your first felt experience was the sensation of rhythm. Not the sound, but the sensation of rhythm. Before you could hear, see, or think, you were unadulterated physicality-pure instinctual and primal substance, animated by the spark of life that foretold of a human being. You sensed your being as only slightly distinct from your mother's body, intimately connected to her physical and emotional rhythms, yet very gradually emerging into a…
Animals, Spirit Animals, and Omens
By Steven D. Farmer Ph.D.
July, 2004
I was getting ready to go meet a friend for coffee, feeling a bit wary about the get-together as I had to discuss something unpleasant with him. There was a rumor that he'd made some disparaging remarks about a good friend of mine and I wanted to get the straight scoop from him rather than relying on gossip. I needed to look him in the eye and have a conversation about these allegations, to hear his side of the story. I don't…
Pismo and the Carpet Cleaner
By Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D.
October, 2004Pismo is a beautiful Colombian Red-Tailed Boa, six years old and about six feet long. I inherited her about three years ago from my daughter, Catherine, as she wasn't able to care for her once she'd moved away from home. I'd already grown quite fond of her by then, and our relationship and mutual respect grew from there.
Snake had already come to me many years prior as an animal spirit guide, so it's no accident that I was given stewardship of…