Endings and Beginnings

As some of you may already know, Doreen and I have gone our separate ways and are officially divorced. We concluded about 18 months ago that it was time to do so. It’s evident that this was guided by Spirit and completely purposeful, and as for myself, it became clear early on in the process that it was time to set out on my own path. Since then the interest in what I have to offer has dramatically increased, for which I am very grateful.

In spite of it being spiritually correct, I won’t pretend that it was an ideal or easy separation. There have been some bumps along the way. Although any divorce is best kept a private matter, rumors and speculation abounded as to the reasons why we broke up. The rumors about money in particular are a gross distortion of the complexity and realities inherent in this process that should rightly be a private matter in spite of our visibility.

Being in the public eye of at least a good portion of the spiritual community, there will no doubt be ripples for a while amongst those who know us and our story. Some will judge either one or both of us, yet I trust that should you find yourself judging this in anyway, no matter the source of your information, you will shift as quickly as you can to forgiveness.

If you find yourself doing so, first become aware of the judgment (whether about this situation or any other) identify that judgment and let it teach you. Find the mirror. See what is similar in yourself that you judge. Then state out loud, “I forgive myself for . . .” Then let it go. Use this as a healing opportunity.

We first attempted to do this as quietly as possible, yet recognizing that ultimately the people that knew us as spiritual teachers would learn the truth of our separation. The multiple synchronicities in the beginning of the relationship held us in its sway. Then each of us went on to write about it. Very romantic story. Many idealized us and our relationship, yet throughout we’ve shown ourselves to be far too human, with those kind of imperfections that go along with the exquisite perfection that is inherent in any living being, including us humans.

My intention all throughout the separation process has been to be honorable and fair to us both, and when this is completely resolved I trust I’ll be able to look back on it and know that I stayed on track with these intentions

I will always be grateful for what Doreen contributed to my life and my work, and I’m sure she feels the same way about my contributions. I will always love and respect her, and admire how she has provided hope and inspiration for so many people.

I thank all of you for your support, encouragement, and prayers.

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26 thoughts on “Endings and Beginnings

  1. Endings and Beginings

    As i sat down at my pc this morning, looking at the image of Abundtia, and realised i had forgotten the reason why i am here…I am spirit in a human body, here to learn, love, cry and live and although whislt we are crying we may think we arent living, we do know at a soul level thats is perhaps when we learn the most ergo when we live the most.
    I long gave up judgment of others many years ago ( except my self of course and boy do i give myself a hardtime still during these momments). So as i know i am going into a new seperation of life soon myself, i honour your honesty and integity and prey that come next Spring, i too will have endevoured, grown and found inner peace once again. angel blessings to all…Glenda

  2. We are spiritual beings having a human experience…

    As humans, we must experience life as it comes to us here. Just because someone is a spiritual leader doesn’t mean that they won’t go through some of the ups and downs. The difference is how it is dealt with. Forgiveness, love, and compassion go a long way to making a shaky situation smoother. Peace and love to you both

  3. endings/beginnings

    Hey Steven,
    I have recently moved down the same path as you and Doreen(once again). I know and trust that both of you will transcend the hurt of pulling apart. Yes your coming together was an amazing story…like a fairy tale. It looks like now it is time to deal with the challenge in the tale that will lead to the happy ( different than you thought)ending. Email me…love to see you on one of my weekly trips to O.C.
    Paul

  4. Spiritual Purpose

    I am struggling with similar issues – I think it would fulfill my spiritual purpose to divorce, as well. Am having a tough time making a final decision – I think your example will be an inspiration to many.

  5. Said with dignity and love, and thankfully without feeling the need to respond to specifics nor getting pulled into the “he says-she says” dialogue. Beautifully done, bro.

  6. sorry to hear that you have split and I know it is never easy. You are both an inspriration to me and may you both find love and happiness.

  7. Bless You

    Thank you for your honesty but just know that you are blessed and a wonderful human being. I understand that you may feel the need to express what is going on . Continue to be who you are and an inspiration to us all. One perfect Love + Harmony

  8. I send you peace, love and Joy

    Sometimes we must go different directions to do what we are called to do in life. Just trust in the spirit it will guide you where you need to be.

  9. Prayers for a smooth transition

    Dear Dr. Farmer and all who are in the process of separation – my prayers are with you and Doreen for the transition to be smooth, fair and peaceful. May we all find within us the ability to live in peace and harmony, and realize the profound affects of our choices, whether uniting with another or moving to separate from them. All my love.

  10. thanks for the inspiration …

    In the words of Bertrand Russell “Thought and love do not lose their value because they are not everlasting”. Bless you both for knowing how to know it is time and following through to your individual futures.

  11. *so sorry..

    hi steven.

    i normally tune into the shamanic hotline and was a little shocked tonight, a little taken a back when you said your news.

    then i already instictively did, i guess what you said to do..and do you know what i found?

    the ‘shock’ really was – why do you feel you have to account for your and doreen’s life together. i know how hard it is to seperate from someone with all the syconicities that seem to suggest ~ this is it forever.

    it was 15 years ago..but i still think of him sometimes and *foundly too in my heart. as ive got older i realise it truely was a gift to have him in my life, if only for a little while and i guess people arent really ours are they? they are just ‘on loan’ to us from god.

    bless you, bless you both. i really wish both of you happiness someday and peace.

    love you Steven and all that you dosmilies/smiley.gif

    Lisa x
    from england

  12. Hey Steven,
    I was touched by your writing and like many could really relate. I loved what you said about forgiving yourself for judging and letting it go. I will follow your lead on that.
    I am trying to find peace in my own situation, and hope you find the same in yours…..I’ll keep a good thought for you.
    Louise

  13. I know from my own experience how painful it is to split from a partner and go through the agonies of divorce. I hope your path will be filled with blessings, as pain free as possible and the alimony eases your soul on an Earthly plane.

  14. Endings and beginnings

    Dear Steven,
    Your words are beautifully said. I relate to it all. I found in my situation so many people quick to judge, or gossip and I found it very disturbing that they had nothing else to do with their time. It relates to their own lives and what they are feeling from within. The biggest lesson I learned as you stated was to be fair to each other, and most importantly forgiveness. My case their were many obstacles for me where forgiveness was questionable, but I thought of you daily and knew that for my heart and soul to be free, I had to find a way to forgive. Amazing things have come my way since I did so.
    I wish you a blessed and peaceful new beggining, for both of you. I know that Doreen will always be a close confident for you when things settle. A forever friend is how I like to think of it!
    Take care,
    Lynn Dorsky

  15. On the wings of my raven

    On the wings of my raven I send you a gift. She knocks three times with her beak on your heart chakra door, it opens slowly to let the gift of peace in. She adds a piece of her own magic before she takes to her wings again and flies off into the horizon.
    Wishing you all the best
    Love and gratitude,
    Ida

  16. Love and Faith For Both

    Stephen, I love you both. I trust you both, and I believe in you both.

    May you find amazing healing and expansion in the violet light that comes after the cut. Thank you for having the courage to love and grow. I know you will continue to teach us from the new things your soul is learning.

    Bless you.
    Rosemary
    Austin, TX

  17. May you know in your hearts…

    Steven,
    I guess to be human we have a habit to have an opinion or seek information that really is not important to our well being or spiritual growth. So with forgiveness, myself and so many send you and Doreen our gratitude for your contributions on this amazing spiritual journey and re-awakening.
    Peace

  18. I am grateful for your sharing. I will also read Doreen’s statement.
    I have known that the two of you were no longer together for a long time now.
    As a spiritual teacher myself – and in the public eye – I know the projections that others have of us. They are simply that – others’ projections – and I commend you both on your courage to look within and to find the truth within yourselves for your own journeys.
    Mary

  19. Peace to both of you

    Thank you Steven for your words.
    I wish you and Doreen, Peace and hopefully friendship in the years to come.
    Jayne

  20. rationalizing

    I read your earlier blog about visiting children being given moral directions by their mother. You and Doreen took vows; you divorced her. Where is your moral compass for yourself? In your enlightened state couldn’t you figure out a way to make it work instead of divorcing someone. Any relationship has ebbs and flows and any longtime married couple will tell you that there were times they wanted to, fantasized about, dreamed about getting divorced, but they stuck to their vows of love through thick and thin, only to find out that their love did renew itself and grow even larger and has much greater depth and breadth. You took the easy way out and are not fit to be a spiritual teacher.

  21. WOW!!

    Sir,Dr Steven Farmer. It is a big surprise to know you are divorce. I been without internet for a while more than a month. I am sorry it did not work out. I admire you and Dr Doreen Virtue. I send you angels and prayers for all is well. I will continue with your teachins and look foward to your e mails.Blessings, Laura Curran

  22. obvious

    It is obvious to everyone that you divorced Doreen because you were cheating on her with your young assistant, Jessica. You men are all the same, even phony spiritual gurus are slimy as the rest. No commitment, no moral compass, just wanting the next younger, prettier thing that comes along. Just can it with the spiritual master thing already, you are sinning against GOD in your self-idolatry which has therefore left you devoid of ethics, fidelity, or anything that is good in the world.

    I would pray for Christ’s Divine Mercy upon you but I am really not that strong… For this, I need GOD’s forgiveness as much as you do.

    Typical men. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

  23. Public Figure

    You claim you should not have to write a post on this, because you claim that marriage and divorce are very personal, yet how can you say that? You and Doreen are public figures. You’ve taught spiritual concepts together, written about each other in your books, given hurting people relationship advice, and lived as an example of an exemplar relationship that gave many people hope. We trusted you. And then you just expect to get divorced and everyone just accept it, and turn a blind eye, and not be owed even a statement? You don’t have to go into all the gory personal details, but you DO owe it to tell your fans, both of you, as we are the people who’ve looked up to your & Doreen’s marriage and bought (literally, with money) your relationship advice, we are the reason you have money and make a living off of us . So don’t pretend that you shouldn’t have had to announce this and that you don’t owe it to us, because you are a public figure. Marriage, divorce, and remarriage do not just affect you and your spouse. It effects your entire family, everyone around you, and everyone who’s ever met or heard of you. It is most certainly not just “personal.”

  24. hhhmmm?

    Hello Steven, I don´t know what to think from this article. You remind me very much of a friend of mine. All of his life he was looking for his soulmate. I think he was married 4 or 5 times. And everytime he broke up and met a new woman.. it was meant to be and guided by spirit, it was pure magic and he was so sure that she was the one… I think at the end he never found her in this life… what gave you the hint that breaking up instead of making your relationship work is the best way? I find it very hard to interpret heavens signs if it comes to love and relationship… Still I wish you all the best for your new Love and may she be your one and only Soulmate for this life…

  25. Thank You for sharing with us and being honest and sharing with us while respecting and maintaining the integrity of needs to remain private.

    Steven, I have only now discovered about the divorce between you and Doreen. My love and light go to you each especially because of the nature of your work and the public figures that you are. Thank you for being honest to each other and the world.

  26. Thanks for sharing

    I have actually only just “met” you and Doreen during the past three weeks via three of Doreen’s books. I was whisked away momentarily into the story, and among other things, the remarkable thread between Doreen and you. Reading about your and Doreen’s relationship gave me a lot of joy momentarily.

    The thought came to me last night that there was much karma between the two of you. I searched and found both Doreen’s and your posts about your very public break-up, which saddened me momentarily. But then I’ve only “known” both of you for less than three weeks.

    We must all live our lives and make our choices moment by moment. None of us can escape karma except by rising to the higher vibration level of love – moment by moment.

    I love you both as God’s creations who are doing the best you can loving yourselves and others moment by moment. You are learning again, as am I.